Missing the bite

Life has been super busy lately, which is a blessing in itself, not allowing me to dwell overmuch on the things that are bothering me. 

I still have all of those thoughts running around in my head, especially this month and this time of the month. A lot of my friends are getting ready for the munch and party this weekend and I’m still not able to go. That makes it difficult for me. 

There has been so much going on, not so much stress, but just Stuff, that being able to go to a party and just ‘let go’ would be a wonderful release for me. Being able to feel the thud and the sting of the flogger, the sting of the single tail, the bite of the dragon tail, that is all something that I really need right now. 

I dream about it because I want it so much! 

I’m worried that by the time I get back into the scene that I’m going to have to start my pain tolerance levels all back at ground zero again. I’m worried that the Dom that I was working with and working so well with won’t want to work with me again. I’m worried about how I’ll be received back into the group after being gone for so long. 

I’m trying to keep in touch with people. Trying to stay up to date with what is going on in the group, but it is difficult, knowing that I can’t join them.

So come this Saturday I will be trying to keep busy, trying not to look at the clock, knowing that at this ‘x’ time that  this ‘x’ thing is happening. 

I will sit there and wish that I was the one who was restrained, that I was the one with the cuffs on and the blindfold on, that I was the one being whipped and flogged and spanked. That I could feel that bite of pain. That I could release that control. 

Ugh….Saturday is just going to suck, once again!