Punishment

I love to do research....and this was a topic lately that has come up.

According to everything that I’ve read, books and on the net, punishment is in terms of spanking. In other words, ‘If you don’t do ______, then I will spank you.’ Ah…but this only works if the sub doesn’t enjoy being spanked! 

Punishment should be geared towards the infraction, the punishment should fit the crime. If it is a minor infraction, then the punishment should be minor. Punishment should be administered as closely as possible to the time of when the crime or the infraction occurred. This way the sub will be properly disciplined and will also respect her Dom. Punishment should never cause injury. It should also never involve a hard limit. Everything I’ve read also says that before punishment, the Dom should explain why the sub is getting punished, and you thought your lectures were done with when you were done with school! Ha!

Is punishment really necessary at all? Some of the things that I’ve read on the net say yes and some say no, especially in regards to the training of a new sub. There is no hard and fast rule that says that subs need to be punished. Every relationship is different and a Dom should know his sub well enough to know if she needs to be punished or not. Different strokes for different folks!

Not only do you have physical punishments but Doms have that lovely little thing that they do….mental punishments as well! I mean there is always a ‘mental’ part of any punishment. I think that sometimes a sub can be way harder on herself than any Dom. Sometimes just hearing a Dom’s displeasure is more than enough to curb a wayward sub.

Spanking is a wonderful punishment. This is assuming of course that the sub doesn’t enjoy being spanked. If a sub dislikes the paddle, the can or a particular flogger, then that is more than likely what would be used as the implement of punishment.

For more serious infractions, a more serious or severe punishment might be needed. This is of course for an experience sub, not a newbie and not one in training. This might be combining things like the use of a cane and a ball gag (I’ve heard those can be really messy….slobber much!).

I’ve also read that hair pulling is a way to get the point across. I’m not too sure how this works when to me the pulling of my hair, yes it gets my attention, but to date has only been used to help me release control. 

I’ve also read that some Dom’s use the age-old punishment of washing the mouth out with soap for mouthy subs.  I mean it worked for us as kids, not sure about this being used on an adult. And honestly, is this even still used with children?!

Apparently Sensory Deprivation is also a good punishment. Being tied up and left alone, blindfolded. I guess if left that way, alone for a time, is a good punishment for some subs. 

To my way of thinking, I think/believe that communication is very much in need throughout the whole punishment session. Not only does the Dom need to explain why the sub is being punished, the sub needs to understand and say that she understands why the punishment is happening.
 
I read an article on the net concerning Mental Punishments. And that the true aim of all punishment is for the Dom to imprint his displeasure on the sub’s mind so that she will not repeat the offense. So in that respect, all punishment has a mental aspect to it.

Some would say that the most important part of any punishment is the mental aspect of the punishment. As I stated before, punishment should be preceded by a lecture, a conversation, explaining what the sub did to displease the Dom. The sub should be given the chance to explain what happened, why it happened and why she thinks the punishment is unwarranted. The Dom should keep an open mind and listen to what she has to say. It may change the aspect of the punishment. The Dom might have been mistaken or misinterpreted the infraction. The lecture/conversation is a vital part to disciplining a sub. It should be as important as the penalty itself. If you’ve read my previous posts, you’ll understand how much I value communication.

In some D/s relationships, the lecture is a punishment itself and is all that is needed to rectify the behavior of the sub. The object is to train the sub. The Dom should not always need to use physical punishment unless necessary. Punishment may even be something as simple as having the sub write out what she did wrong and that she won’t do it again.

Then there is the punishment that parents use on their kids today, take away something that they absolutely love. I would simply die if someone took away my nook! If I were to be punished, I’d hope for something different! Course I’m an unattached sub so my case is completely different.

To summarize things up, punishments should never use a hard limit. They should never cause injury. The punishment should fit the crime. It should be swift and once done it’s over and done with. And finally, after punishment, there should be aftercare. Punishment can be difficult for a sub, physically and emotionally. Aftercare is necessary just like it would be applied after a scene.

Read something else the other night! She wasn’t really a sub, but he was dominant. There were also two other guys. I’m not going to get into the relationship(s) cause it’s very confusing. However, she was punished simply because she felt that they were ashamed of her and that they didn’t want to be seen with her out in public. She got all kinds of pissed off when the more Dom male tried to explain. She gave him a dressing down, in public, flipped him the bird and took off. Needless to say when she finally came back to the room, she was in major trouble. She was punished for thinking less of herself than what they thought of her! This I think is a prime thing that subs like me get into trouble for. Thinking less of themselves, second guessing themselves, not believing in themselves.  Yes, she did get into trouble for yelling at him in public, got whipped with a frayed rope, which she kind of enjoyed! My point is, a sub doesn’t necessarily have to do something really wrong to get punished, and not all punishment is bad.