Wow! Can’t believe that it’s been over a month since I last
posted! Been pretty busy and busy keeping busy!
Some things have changed in my local community/group and
even in the other semi-local group, I’m not sure what I’m going to be doing in
the coming months. If/when I get back into the scene, it’s going to be different
than when I left and I’m not sure what is going to be there for me, if I’m
still going to be able to get what I need out of a scene….that’s a heart
wrenching prospect for me.
Thanksgiving was good, spent time with the family, that’s
always fun. But it also made me reflect on someone who is not having an easy
time of it right now and that made me sad. I wanted to be able to be there for
that person, but I’m not being given that opportunity (their choice). And now we’ve got Christmas coming up….all I
want to do is help….and it doesn’t seem like that is possible.
Have you ever been in a situation where someone reaches out
to you, needs you and your friendship, but can’t/won’t tell you what is going
on? It’s very difficult. I wear my heart on my sleeve a lot. I like to help
people, I like to feel needed….I want to help more but it just doesn’t seem
like it’s possible right now. <sigh>
Have been saddened by the loss of a wonderful human being,
Paul Walker. Such a wonderful man who was so much more than his movies! Watched
Fast & Furious 6 last night, the first few minutes and opening credits had
me bawling. That actually helped, as I was in such bummed mood yesterday I
needed something.
I’m still really missing my monthly sessions. Not only do I
miss my friends, but I miss the entire D/s frame of mind that it put me in. I’ve
thought about it a lot over the months and realize that although I feel that I
love my own personal space, I love my life the way it is, I want to have that
D/s connection with that D type as well. I’m not talking a 24/7 type
relationship – I honestly don’t think I could handle that – and especially not
a TPE 24/7 relationship – is killing your D type illegal??! J But I do want that D/s
relationship. I honestly think that the part of me that likes to help and be
needed would be satisfied with something like this. The part of me that wants
to be loved and cherished would enjoy the D type relationship. It’s so difficult
to find though. The right D type for me has to be out there somewhere! I
thought I might have found him but then the things happened over the summer.
Once again I’m brought back to the whole patience is a virtue thing….I don’t
like being patient and I’m not very good at it!
I’m really hoping that with the New Year new things will be
coming and that things might work out for me this time. Just because they haven’t
before, doesn’t mean that they won’t this time, right? Power of Positive
Thinking!
